9:20 pm

I just spent A LOT of time watching beer related videos online. Like, hours. Not that 100% of those hours was beer, but, close enough. And I didn't have a sip of beer during that time.

Something about this seems strange and significant to me. One, it's only possible now, with the internet. Two, I'm watching videos of other people with a drink that I can't smell or taste. Three, these people put videos of themselves talking about this beer because...they're excited about it and want to share? Four, it's lots of weird people who do it and lots of not weird people. Five, I'm pretty sure all my friends would call me a weird person for watching all these videos, but Six, do these peoples' friends think they're weird for POSTING these videos? And Seven, what's so weird about posting and watching these videos?

Oh, I got sidetracked. The weirder part is how it's using this non-tangible medium to explore this entirely tangible thing. So I guess that means it's about much more than its tangible aspects. I guess it isn't about more to most people, but I guess I just think it's interesting that certain things are able to take on all this greater significance to people. But I suppose to be more accurate, the beer isn't taking on the significance, PEOPLE are creating it, they are making it. It's this thing that has these guidelines and traditions behind it, and standards...and people have fun bending and distorting those limitations or working with them. There's something about it that people can really get behind. I mean, yeah, it can get you drunk, which I suppose helps reel people in, but there are a lot of other ways to get drunk, but people aren't uploading videos of Keystone (ok, they probably are doing it ironically).

Hm, I'm not going anywhere with this. I'm just alone and feeling on the verge of significance. That is, on the verge of figuring something out...something I'll find significant, or something that will make me feel significant. But it's too late to go play the drums so I logged onto here.

hyper-self awareness/self-consciousness

I'm interested in this idea that I want to call "hyper self-awareness" but maybe it's really just hyper-self-conciousness. Maybe it's neither. But mainly I'm wondering if it's a new thing. I wonder if it's specific to the current generation.

So, we all know that irony is a characteristic of now. And irony is a product of self-awareness, right? You have to be aware of the thing in order for it to be ironic. But it's also kind of a product of self-consciousness. When people are doing something ironically, they are still doing it, but it's in a way that that doesn't make them feel self-conscious...as though...if they're aware of it they're in control of it? It's not acting on them, they're acting on it?

Anyway, so we know that's there. But of course, we're also aware that we do this (or people do it), so it's adding this other layer of awareness on top. And there seems to be this struggle to be completely aware of how you're acting, OR ELSE YOU'RE A FOOL. like, if you aren't thinking of every possible nuance and interpretation of what you're doing/saying, you are opening yourself up for attack and ridicule.

I think the blog HIPSTER RUNOFF is a maybe perfect example of this. The guy, Carles, is often ridiculing. He has one famous post "GIRLS NIGHT OUT" which basically details a hypthetical girls night out, which then causes people to be shamed if they do what he describes, or maybe causes them to think about it while doing it. Like, "damn I can't do that sincerely anymore, because I've read about it," and it causes the people to be self-concious about engaging in those activities. Like, after 500 Days of Summer, no one can now play house in IKEA, unless they do it jokingly in reference to the movie. (Fritz Lang actually has some quote about how he doesn't like porn because then a couple will watch it and do what it does, instead of "beautifully" coming up with it between themselves")

But even more, Carles writes in an incredibly self-conscious style. He's constantly quoting things that he knows/feels are cliches and such, so...he's using them constantly, but he's showing that he KNOWS they're cliches. But at the same time he's entirely dependent on them. It's entertaining, but after a while it gets really depressing to see how guarded he has to be in his writing because he's set himself in this position where he makes others incredibly self-conscious, so he has to be the most self-conscious of self-conscious ones, and it starts to seem like it would be impossible for him to legitimately enjoy anything

I don't know, I'm not yet sure what to make of it all. Just that while I understand the being self-aware thing as a good thing, it seems to cross over into this self-consciousness that makes authentic enjoyment impossible. That's actually kind of one of the themes of the blog, but I don't think he's really thought it through yet...like he points out how people THINK they're being authentic, but they're not...but just because people arrived at the same thing doesn't mean they arrived there inauthentically (although it can mean that).

I duno, it just really gets sad to read after a while.

writing

I've been mostly done with fiction writing. I had stopped looking to it as a medium through which to...channel ME. But I'm in a fiction workshop right now, so I've been doing it, writing fiction, and so I've gotten to think about it a lot. And this results in a lot of meta-fiction. I don't go in thinking, "this is gonna be meta-fiction," but instead go in thinking, "ok, this is gonna be a story," and then half-way through I wonder "what am I doing? what have I written?" so I have to go back through it and figure that out, figure out what I've been doing, and what I find there, I make into the story.

Anyway, I wasn't even planning on writing that. I was more interested in where I potentially could go with writing. If writing is a thing I'm interested, I need to figure out where to focus.

Things I think I know for sure:

1. I am mostly interested in tone. A strong narrative voice.
2. I'm not very interested in creating images. I'd much prefer to create a feeling.
3. I hope that if the narrative tone is strong enough, nobody cares about what the setting looks like, they just want to hear what the narrator is saying.
4. Fiction has lots of cool devices, but I'm not sure if I can get behind them like I used to.

This leads me to this conclusion: I'm mostly just interested in narrators. I'm mostly just interested in a voice talking. I kind of resent being expected to have more.

Is this a genre? Is it a columnist? I feel like it's a bit different from columnist, in that columnists have this expectation to...i'm not sure.

I'm a bit sad that I'm not as enthusiastic about literary devices anymore. They were always so exciting..so much mystery. I'm just much less into decoding now. I really just want to feel....hm, although I recently watched Mulholland Drive and that was pretty fun to decode...but that's different.

Um. I shall work on this...via...writing more. I'll try and remember that this blog exists, and I'll write in it.

Yeahh. Word.

Web Comics

Web Comics often have a pretty specific sense of humor. They could be on vastly different topics, but they are often the subtlest of subtle you can find. And if not subtle-subtle, they're a meta-joke, a joke about the joke, a joke about comics, drawings, the characters making the jokes unknowingly at themselves,

And, I think, to find them funny, you have to be in a pretty fricken good mood. For example: Dinosaur Comics (www.qwantz.com). I used to read it every morning. I loved it. Now I read it, and I understand why I would crack up every morning, but I don't right now. I'm just not in a good enough mood to find the subtle play between the character's awareness, his words, and the comic's premise "lolable."

Try it. I could be totally wrong. But next time you're in a really good mood, on a kind of high I suppose, go to qwantz.com. It's hilarious. You just sit there thinking about the guy writing it, and how many tiny jokes he's putting in, and you recognize them, and they all combine to be ridiculous AND hilarious, and so there's a lot to appreciate.
But then go when you're not feeling high--can you relate to the mindset of the guy writing it? He had to be happy while writing the comics...and I think you have to be happy while reading them. Otherwise, they're just not that funny.

Favorite Albums?

I'm just posting this to have a non-loseable way of keeping track of this.

But, I wanted to write down some of the albums that I think of as my favorite. Where no matter how many times I listen to them, they have a similar effect as when I first heard them.

* Acrobatic Tenement - by At the Drive-In

* Young Effectuals - by The Helio Sequence

* Broken Social Scene - by Broken Social Scene

* The Garbage Man and the Prostitute - Kill Me Tomorrow

That's it for now, I'll have to categorize these. In fact Broken Social Scene may not even fit in this category of "have listened to a million times but still has same effect."

privacy vs. non-privacy

So, is the idea with privacy really as simple as:

If we don't have privacy, things we'd normally do in private, we'd HAVE to do in public, and so they'd become acceptable (they'd have to), not frowned upon as things to hide.

and so therefore, we wouldn't be living in a society that often ignores real issues and desires of the people. Currently, we deal with issues, but since they are private and technically not admitted, they are much harder to deal with.

So, if things were forced into the public, issues would be more clear and easy to take on.

is that the idea?

our dollars go 35% less far

we're eating lunch, having a grand old time, talking laughing, and then

it's time to pay.

All conversation stops, faces become grave. The transition from gaiety is severe and heavy.

do we need to do away with currency to solve this? OR, should we simply pay before eating?